STOP SAYING STUPID THINGS

Bernie Schein ·  MY PET PEEVES has asked me to stop writing about him for a bit. Too much attention, he barks. Needs a break, fame is unforgiving, etc.. However, he has asked me to ask everyone I know—myself included, needless to say–to stop saying stupid things. Here’s not only his list, but “at the end of the day,” why he can’t stand hearing them anymore: “At the end of the day.” Translation: Right now, I’m in the dark. . “Deal with it.” Translation: I’m not. “Pay it forward.” Translation: Take the money and run. “Giving back.” Translation: To get more. “It’s all about you.” Translation: Make it all about me? “I’m getting on with my life, leaving this behind me, moving on.” Translation: Fuck you. AND it’s all your fault. AND none of it’s mine. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Translation: Nor do I want to. “That’s boring.” Translation: Either you’re afraid to say anything, or I’m afraid to hear it. “I care about you.” Translation: Duck. Run for cover. Look out.. I’m lonely. Translation: I’m a snob. (I hate rejects like me.). “We’re moving forward.” Translation: We’re going backwards. No questions allowed. LikeLike · · Share Pamela Uhles Brownstein, Kristen Marie Grimm, Amy Campanini and 6 others like this. Bernie Ragsdale Dear Bernie, at the end of the day I’ll deal with this and pay it forward giving back to its all about you. Meanwhile, I am getting on with my life, leaving this behind me and moving on. Since I don’t know what you are talking about and that’s boring, just remember that I...

MY PET PEEVES DELIVERS SERMON ON COUSIN BARBARA

MY PET PEEVES Photo of Peeves barking out sermon. LikeLike · · Share Marsha Haimovitz, Louise Murray, Barbara Thompson and 22 others like this. View 4 more comments Susan Kay Asher Is that a kosher dog? November 3 at 1:26am · Unlike · 1 Lanny Pigg Bern: When is he gonna write a book? November 3 at 6:22am · Unlike · 1 Bernie Schein See? I told you. And everyone always says I exaggerate and make things up. And Pigg, he’s already blogging. The blogs are kosher. Sholam Aleichem! November 3 at 11:57am · Like Regina Carmel OMG: on our finest white High Holy Day bima coverings! November 3 at 9:47pm · Unlike · 1 Write a comment…   News Feed Irreverend Phord This is a post from my junior high teacher, Bernie Schein. Clearly, one of the influences that ensures I remain a warped individual today. Bernie Schein MY PET PEEVES Right, Peeves is my dog’s name, a mauzer, a cross between a schnauser and maltese. I call him “Pee” for short, because he is short, like most Jews. He attends our synagogue right here in Beaufort. Photo (above) of him barking out guest sermon. Hey, he was as understandable as the Israeli who only spoke Hebrew. Besides, most sermons I’ve heard were in English and they were coma-inducing. Incomprehension at least arouses curiosity. That’s what Peeves and the Israeli had in common. So relatively speaking, I would have to rate them pretty high on the Sermon Scale. And you know how everyone almost always starts chatting away with each other once the rabbi begins the sermon. Not...

MY PET PEEVES

  Since I’m a Jew, a member of the tribe with the runaway tongues who worries about everything under the sun that is totally meaningless and unimportant, here’s what I constantly get from loved ones trying to help: “Let it go, Bernie. Don’t absorb it.”   Don’t you think if I could, I would?   “Relax.”   Again, don’t you think if I could, I would? Advising a Jew to relax is like asking a narcoleptic to Hell, just get up off his ass, Man up, if you catch my drift. It’s like asking a paraplegic to try jogging. No legs? Hell, take off without ’em. You’re brain-dead? Here, try this calculus problem, give it a go, Bubba., that’s the American Way.   Here’s my favorite: “Get a hobby.”   Sure, that ought to do it. Four thousand years of anxiety, and the solution to worrying over nothing is photography? Besides, fishing makes me anxious. Too much time there to start fretting again. Golf? A Jew playing golf is a country-club Jew, playing at being a Gentile, all casual, everything in hand, everything under control, not a care in the world. Sure.   I told my wife Martha that such comments were unhelpful, dismissive, and that people who made them were trying to “fix” me, which is another way of saying they didn’t want to feel my pain, that they lacked empathy, and that, I concluded, is what is wrong with the world.   “No empathy for a man who spends his life worrying, in his words, over ‘absolutely nothing?’ Get over it.”   “Get over it?’   Right....

MY PET PEEVES

Bernie Schein October 30 at 2:59pm · I’m going to start doing a regular blog called MY PET PEEVES. “Peeves” is my dog’s name. LikeLike · ·...