MY PET PEEVES

Photo of Peeves barking out sermon.

MY PET PEEVES </p>
<p>Photo of Peeves barking out sermon.

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This is a post from my junior high teacher, Bernie Schein. Clearly, one of the influences that ensures I remain a warped individual today.
MY PET PEEVES

Right, Peeves is my dog’s name, a mauzer, a cross between a schnauser and maltese. I call him “Pee” for short, because he is short, like most Jews. He attends our synagogue right here in Beaufort. Photo (above) of him barking out guest sermon. Hey, he was as understandable as the Israeli who only spoke Hebrew. Besides, most sermons I’ve heard were in English and they were coma-inducing. Incomprehension at least arouses curiosity. That’s what Peeves and the Israeli had in common. So relatively speaking, I would have to rate them pretty high on the Sermon Scale. And you know how everyone almost always starts chatting away with each other once the rabbi begins the sermon. Not with old Pee up there. No sir. They seemed fascinated. My cousin, Barbara Mark, is now featuring him, top billing, right above Eli Weisel in fact, in our annual fund-raiser. So after Pee’s sermon, Barbara’s so delighted she invites him to sit in her lap. Pee aims to please. He is unbelievably obedient. I’m great with him. He does everything I say, and naturally because he sees everyone else as me, like I do, he does everything they say. So when cousin Barbara says, “Come here, Pee,” patting her lap, “here, Pee, Here Pee. Here, that’s it, Good dog, yes, right here, Pee,” well Pee pees. Yep, right there in her lap. So the moral of this story? I know, a real cliff-hanger. What can I say? Never tell a dog to pee in your lap? Never tell a dog to do anything, since he will? Teaching Obedience, at the expense of critical and independent thinking, is immoral? Our educational system sucks? We suck? Pee pees? Dogs can be passive-aggressive? Cousin Barbara didn’t have a treat for him. I always do, naturally. He just about lives on them. I spoil him? So what? He didn’t pee on me. My question, and the question for all guilt-ridden Jews–in other words, all but perhaps seven in the whole world–Whose fault is it? Mine? Cousin Barbara’s? The system? And this is what we’ll deal with in our next lesson. Be thinking: 100% of your grade will be based on your contribution. See you on Monday!!!